Discovery

I’ve discovered that the process of self-discovery in and of itself is an ongoing journey.  I began my journey unexpectedly sometime last year after some events  left me lost, confused, discouraged, overwhelmed, unhappy, remorseful, and downright depressed.  To be perfectly honest:  that’s not even half of the emotions.

Looking back now, I realize that the source of those emotions were due to me not having a firm foundation in my relationship with God, which resulted in dysfunctional and ungratifying relationships among other things.

I remember prior to my discovering the Bible I felt like I was going around in circles, not knowing whether I was coming or going, just going through the motions.  And by discovering I mean, really immersing myself in reading the passages slowly and getting comfortable with exploring more.  The more I read, the more I wanted to read , and the more consistent I became in doing so.  Thank God.

I was on this quest to find the answers to the uncertainties that were hovering around me.  The interesting thing is I didn’t even know what I was looking for.  I just felt like the current place that I was in at that time was not where I wanted or ever expected to be.

For example, I was not in the career that I wanted to be in, I was overweight, I was not in grad school, the relationships around me were falling apart, I wasn’t vacationing like I wanted to, I didn’t own a home yet, I was making poor choices, very termpermental, I wasn’t this, I didn’t have that, I mean the list goes on and on.

This litany of selfish, ungrateful complaints had left me feeling more dejected than ever and rendered me tired, questioning myself, and hoping that my problems could be solved by the opinions of other people.  I was pathetic.

To be fair though and looking back, I now realize that some of those emotions may have had to do with the fact that I was overwhelmed by a growing family, more responsibilities, etc.   Suffering from postpartum could have been to blame.  But, like I mentioned before I was  a ball of frustration just going through the motions.  If that wasn’t enough shortly after giving birth I found myself at a crossroads, not knowing which way to turn.

Suffice it to say, I felt like I had reached my breaking point.  Something had to give and did.  To make a long story short, I don’t remember exactly, the moment that I picked up the Bible, the book of all books; but it really was my saving grace.  Once I started reading it I quickly realized that not reading it much earlier in my life was one of my biggest regrets.

That was the starting point to my journey and I honestly never would have imagined the incredible impact I have had from discovering the Bible like I described.  It truly has opened my eyes to the person that I was and to the person I am destined to be.  I can truly testify that,

“His word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” – Psalm 119

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